1. Stay calm. You are your child’s mirror, they imitate what you do and what you say, not immediate imitation but they keep in their mind and do it later on. If you always scold, shout and hit your child, then he or she will do it to you or others. Your negative emotion and words should not show to your child, they do what they see, so show more positive emotion and words to them.
2. Use positive words. As parents, we tend to use the word “no” “don’t do that” “cannot”, these are negative words which actually annoyed your children, that is why they don’t listen to parent especially when parent use negative words to them. If you want your child to stop doing something, tell them what to do instead, for example you want to stop your child from throwing things, instead of saying “ do not throw”, say “pass to mummy”. When you say, “do not throw”, they can only hear the word “throw”, so they will “throw” instead of “do not”.
3. Praise your child’s effort but not result. Parents are always encouraged to praise their child, but beware of “abusing” it. Praise your child if they try to do something, even if they failed or not doing it perfectly, you may use words such as “good job on sweeping the floor” “good try on riding the bicycle”, this will give them courage to do again. If you only praise them when they score full marks on exam or success on something, they will be scared of failure and dare not to try on something that they are not confident with.
4. Spend quality time with your child. We spend most of our time working and spend minimal time with our family. Therefore we should make “family time” a must-have activity on a constant basis. Spending quality time does not mean sitting in a room together but using phone separately. Watch a movie together, talk to each other about your day, go to park together, exercise, make breakfast or dinner together, you and your child will know each other better, it is advisable for you to start as early as possible, make it a habit then your child will spend time with you when you are old. Squeeze your time out even it is one hour a day only, prioritize your family.
5. Make your child be more responsible. Start with cleaning own stuffs, if your child dirty the floor, let them clean it, you can guide them by handing them a mop and say calmly “if I dirty the floor, I clean it, if you dirty the floor, you clean it”, if they refuse, you can lead them by doing it together and subsequently, get them to handle the task independently. Do not “bribe” your child and give them a concept like “if you do this, I give you this”. You are the best role model for your child, you must be responsible and respect your child before you want them to do the same.
6. Don’t label your child. We tend to label people unconsciously when we talk, especially our children, whether good or bad label can limit them to be who they are. If you always label your child as “naughty”, he or she will unconsciously think that “I am naughty and I will only do naughty thing” to fit the label. What if we praise our children “you are so good in study”, will it make them clever? Too bad this is not likely to happen, it will only make them feel that they only can study but not doing other thing better than study, and will make them afraid of making mistake in study. What if their talent is in sport? The “good in study” label will make them hide their talent and tried to fit into the “good in study” label, they will not be feeling happy and might even impose unnecessary burden on them in future. Everyone is born with certain talent, do not label your child too early, let them grow happily and you will notice their innate ability and talent.